The Friend Zone

"Tell me again...can we be lovers and friends?"

I spend A LOT of time with my "best friend"...and for much of my adult life, my closest "friends" have been male.   Though this hasn't been a conscious decision, I can't say that I'd have it any other way.  I grew up the prodigy of three amazing brothers (S/O to Danny, Peter, and Nate...you guys make me the woman I am) and a plethora of "play" brothers (a Midwest thing...we're ALL related! LOL), so I learned early what it meant to have the love, support, respect, protection and affection of a man...in a non-sexual setting.  Naively, I thought that this was the way every man would treat me. By age 10, I was shocked into reality when the love of my life, Jason Stuckey, called off our fairytale ending, and broke my heart.    Jason was "beautiful" and would sing songs to me.  He wrote me love letters and I still remember the way I would carry them with me everywhere.  Jason never made fun of my being a nerd and even held my hand when we played...in front of everybody.  He would listen to me, and for those of you who've known me for years, know I talked alot so that was no small feat.    He was the first boy to ever tell me he loved me and through the way he treated me, I developed my current perception of love.  You see, he was my best friend and I never doubted for a moment that he would always be.  It all seemed so simple then.

The interesting thing about Jason and I is that we knew HOW to love long before we ever really knew what it meant.  It is amazing how the older we got, the less we understood the difference.   Children naturally study each other, investigate their differences, and then make informed decisions on who they call "friends", and it is from that pool that they pick their mates.  Though these relationships have the life span of about 6 hours, they still set the standard for our future love trysts...though "its never as good as the first time". 

All of this got me to thinking, why when we "grow up" do we stop looking at our "friends" as dating prospects?  Doesn't the very concept of that relationship denote all the things we expect a love relationship to be?  Trust, understanding, vulnerability, honesty, encouragement, need I go on? We rely on our besties to keep us motivated.  We confide in them.  We trust them with our deepest fears and secrets.  We know everything about them, (even the stuff we don't wanna know...that nobody should know...*whew*) and love them anyway.  We respect them enough to let them tell us when we're wrong. DUH! Isn't that who you wanna MARRY let alone date? I do.  And guess what...I have a whole harem of these people reading this blog right now...and I've never made love to them...never ever thought about it...ok...maybe once but that was when we first met! ;o)

I've met many men in my life and travels, many of whom are still very good friends.  Some have been in long-term relationships, some are now married, and most I've witnessed a jumpoff or two.  We spend hours on the phone discussing the latest industry developments or business venture, laughing about drunk nights outs, funny kid stories, sex, politics.  They're my first call after meeting a new guy, hell, while he's in the bathroom after sex!  He's washed my hair, bought me flowers just because and he can sleep next to me naked and snoring. (I've had one that helped me take my tracks out...I was obligated to eventually give him some...it was great...so I had his baby.)

*ahem*

I sometimes cry to these guys and tell them "I don't think I'll ever find a man to love me...the way...you...do."

I should slap the shit out of myself...and every one of you that have shared that moment with your "best" friend and haven't realized that your trajectory is off.  Or at least, we aren't using the reference manuals we have right in front of our face, everyday.  These men and women earn their way into our lives and hearts everyday and sometimes, are just waiting for us to wake up and realize that they've loved us like THAT since the beginning. 


My grandmother used to always say "If you can't date your best friend, date his."  Often, we miss out on great moments with great people because we are in constant pursuit of what we think we want.   And no matter how many times we fall on our face, they are there to dust us off and send us back out there.  Those are the things we should be considering when dating. 

Therefore, the man or woman you want in your life is there already there...you just need to have sex with them to seal the deal.  (Ooops! There goes that FREAK Tourette's syndrome. S'cuse.)

In this age of INTERNETional orgies, having "friends" has become a status symbol.  But if you really evaluate your life, if you're in the dating market (SIDEBAR: If anybody knows the address to this "dating market" please forward to goldie@dxumg.com...IMMEDIATELY! I've got EBT. #carryon), and take a serious look at your REAL friends and decide if you REALLY want what you say you want.

In parting, you only have one life so why not spend it blissfully happy with the person that "loves you...anyway."? Or at the very least, start dating people that would qualify as your best friend.  Besties set a shining example of what you're willing to endure and how very much you can cherish another person. If you give and expect no less in love relationships, take the time to get to know your lovers...(from the waist UP!), and be willing to open up, you might find new meaning to the song "Lovers AND Friends".  Trust me, there's nothing better than making love to someone that knows to bring you home a Hostess Chocolate cupcake. :o)

So....

FUCK YOUR FRIENDS...and be happy.

Worse case scenario...they'll call and tell YOU they "hit dat" the next day.  ;oP

Hey...it could happen...

G.